Learning Through Hardship
A beautiful excerpt from the life of SWAMI VIVEKANANDA.
No one knows the complexities of divine play. Inscrutable
are the ways of the Lord that only a few can understand;
others call it fate. Such a life-shattering event occurred in
the life of Narendra when he had passed his degree course in
the college (he was about 21 years of age then). Everything
was going on smoothly for him at home and at Dakshineswar,
when his father suddenly died due to massive heart attack. The
liberal attorney, Vishwanath Dutta, although outwardly
appeared well off, was in fact in severe debt. His unusual
generosity and carelessness in handling money-matters had put
him in a situation where nothing was left as savings. The
debtors took away their share, leaving the bereaved family in
utter poverty and want. Narendra’s uncles also shied away in
this hour of crisis and, instead of helping him, they also
took their share and kept aloof. It was difficult for Narendra
to make two ends meet.
To add to the difficulty, even after trying hard Narendra
could not get a job. In this situation of utter emergency and
despair, he took the decision to leave his home and walk out
in the unknown world as a sannyasin. Here at Dakshineswar, Sri
Ramakrishna in his spiritual mood came to know about the
secret resolve of his beloved disciple to leave the world,
which caused much anguish and concern in his heart. In such a
situation Sri Ramakrishna met Narendra at one of the devotee’s
house. In his deep emotional voice, Sri Ramakrishna sang a
song, which ran somewhat like this:
‘I am afraid to speak, and equally afraid not to speak,
The doubt rises in my mind, lest I should lose you’
Immediately the meaning was clear to Narendra; he knew that
Sri Ramakrishna had come to know his secret resolve to become
sannyasin, and that the song was meant for him to reconsider
his decision. Tears flowed down the cheeks of both the Guru
and the disciple. All other devotees present there were
surprised to see such an unusual behaviour of Sri Ramakrishna
and Narendranath; no one could know the real cause behind this
emotional outburst.
After some time the emotions calmed down and Sri
Ramakrishna forced Swami Vivekananda to accompany him to
Dakshineswar. There Sri Ramakrishna inquired about the problem
and requested Narendra not to desert him till his death.
Narendra had to promise, for he could not disobey the
sincerity in Sri Ramakrishna’s appeal. Then Narendra said to
Sri Ramakrishna, "Sir, please pray to the Mother so that my
family is supplied with coarse grain and clothes. I know the
Mother listens to you and definitely grants your prayers."
But Sri Ramakrishna had different plans, if we can say so.
Sri Ramakrishna said, "Look my boy, I have given everything to
the Mother; how can I ask back anything from her now? But one
thing I can tell you, why don’t you go and pray to the Mother
to fulfill your wish? My Mother is very kind and gracious and,
I am sure, she will not disappoint you." Thus, Narendra was
forced to pray to Mother Kali for fulfilling his wants. That
night Narendra and Sri Ramakrishna were alone in the Kali
Temple, when Narendra went to the Mother’s shrine to pray and
ask for material things of urgent necessity. However, as he
entered the shrine all that he could say was, "O Mother,
please give me Jnana and Bhakti."
Having prayed thus, Narendra returned to where Sri
Ramakrishna was waiting for him. Sri Ramakrishna inquired,
"Naren, have you asked for food and money required for your
family?" Swami Vivekananda, surprised as he was as well,
replied, "Why, no sir. I asked for Jnana and Bhakti."
"You naive," said Sri Ramakrishna, "Go and ask for wealth
and the things you actually need now." Thrice Swami
Vivekananda went to Ma Kali, but could not utter a word about
money, clothes, food, and etc.; instead every time he prayed
for Jnana and Bhakti.
As soon as Swami Vivekananda used to enter the temple, his
mind would rise to such a wonderful state of consciousness
that the whole world, including money, material comfort, and
food, lost its value, and in its place there shone forth the
radiant face of divine and blissful Mother, gracious enough to
grant highest Jnana and Bhakti. What fool would ask for
transient and useless things when Mother was ready to grant
Jnana? Who would ask for pebbles when someone was distributing
the gems! Who would ask for vegetables to the king, when he
was willing to grant his whole kingdom!
Now Swami Vivekananda understood the deep meaning and
significance of Sri Ramakrishna’s word that formless God and
God with form as Mother were but one. Swami Vivekananda
accepted Mother as the highest embodiment of spiritual
virtues, power, and knowledge. Exhausted, but satiated with
inner knowledge of divinity in all of its aspects, he bowed
down at the holy feet of Sri Ramakrishna and said, ‘O Lord,
today I came to know who you are. You are all, everything in
this universe. I do not want anything anymore from the Mother.
It is all your wish.’
Embracing his disciple, the master assured, "Go my son, be
at peace. From today onwards you and your family would ever be
provided
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