“You always keep on asking na Is this Love ? Is this love ! well let me answer you, whatever you are doing to yourself and to her is definitely not love…” Amit was angry and I hadn’t seen him this Furious in years.
“Trust me my friend, What I am doing is the correct choice. It is not easy on me but I am fine. Nothings wrong.” I somehow managed a calm & collected look on my face.
“Nothings Wrong ! Nothings Wrong ! You haven’t written anything in last one month, you have not cracked a single one liner on any of us since ages and you get tired of four hours of work, I mean what happened to the devil who used to work for as long as 48 hrs non stop without sleep… look at your eyes all sore and red from crying !” Amit was still shouting.
“I am fine. Nothing’s Wrong” I kept saying this more to myself than to Amit. He knew very well that I was not fine.
“Why don’t you understand we cannot see you punishing yourself like this. I say this again, at least give your Love a chance, and tell her everything. If she leaves after knowing, we will cry together, but if you don’t even tell her and decide her answer for yourself and cry and suffer…well sorry buddy I am not going to approve this self inflicted pain.” His tone had softened a bit.
I was listening to what he was saying but my brain was not processing any of it. My dream life had come to a halt with a sudden jerk. But I knew this was coming right from day one. I was aware that this situation will come and I might have to choose a life without her, then why this pain, this depression, this disinterest in Life… what is it ?
Is this Love…
—-
A few Miles North :
“I still can’t understand how can you smile in such a situation…have you lost your mind?” Anushka was all tensed up. “Baby its better to cry out and let the feeling loose, if you keep the emotions inside and continue to smile it will become more and more unbearable. I am your best friend and you have cried in front of me before…”
“He always liked me smiling. I can see his face shining when I smile…” It really wasn’t as hard as Anu thought, all I had to do was to think of the time I have spent with him and the smile stayed.
“Then let him see you smile for rest of the Life. At least give your Love a chance, tell him everything. If he leaves after knowing then you can cry and be free from it once & for all. But this smile on your face for him with the pain in heart for lifetime doesn’t make any sense ”
“We have discussed this 100 times and I am not doing it again. Trust me my friend, What I am doing is the correct choice. It’s is not easy on me but I am fine. Nothings wrong.”
But my heart kept saying I am not fine. I wonder would his Love, which I can feel with my every breath, change if he knew everything. But somehow I couldn’t bring myself to telling him. I knew this situation may arise. I chose this situation, I decided not to tell him, I am happy that he came into my life and changed it forever… But still the feeling of incompleteness, the sleepless nights, the pain behind the smile… Why do I have it? What is it?
Is this Love…